It sucks when you start to get sober,

And your type is no longer your type. I say that because I genuinely hope he’s okay. I’m not trying to be mean or anything. He used to do oxycodone, and he still does. I tried it once, foolishly, before I met him, and almost died. It was the nastiest thing I’ve ever done. It didn’t even feel good; it just made me sick and close to death. I don’t even know when he got addicted. Three years ago, he would come over to my apartment and do it in my bathroom. I knew something was off, but I couldn’t figure it out. He was okay the last time I saw him around my birthday. I drink the way he does pills. That was my drug of choice. He said he didn’t drink, but he would drink with me sometimes. I really like when we went to the beach. I remember him saying, “You know, it’s crazy how many people in America are fat and obese.” At that point, I realized I needed to change. I wasn’t eating at the time, but I was still overweight. It was because I stopped taking care of myself and only focused on my relationship with him. I didn’t touch him the night he took me out for my birthday because I wasn’t trying to get on any hard drugs or catch anything. He’s an extremely tall and handsome guy, so I figured he would probably have something. I called the police to try to help (I found the pills in his backpack), but he refused. So, I gave up. I was suicidal. Knowing that I could have lost such a good friend made me want to end it all. Evan, if you see this (which I know you won’t), I really hope you’re okay. I don’t want to lose you. Please stop doing drugs, even the vaping. But that’s better than heroin. Lastly, before I make this blog private again, I just wanted to let you know dad, I did the hike today. I didn’t drink any alcohol or see any guys. I did see a really, really hot guy on my walk, however. He kind of looked like an older, and taller version of Wyatt. He looked at me, and it made me so damn shy that I ran away to the end of the street. He lives at this house that I would always pass. It always gave me such creepy vibes. But damn he was hot. I know he would never be interested in me, or is definitely married with kids. Well, it didn’t even look like he had kids. That’s how attractive he was. I miss you, dad. I’m sorry I ignored you today. I stay off my phone, because I’m trying to work on myself. I love you so much, even though you scare me. You’re still my dad. I hope everything is okay. I miss you, and think of you always. Love your oldest, Lanëe.